Help For Families Dealing With Resitance In Addiction Treatment

"I need to learn how to set boundaries!"

I present a lot of webinars related to family support in addiction treatment. One thing I've seen over the past couple of years is that the most highly attended of these are when I present on anything having to do with setting boundaries in the addictive family system. 

Families struggle with setting boundaries; they know it, and they want help. 

Dealing With Resistance

In particular, families are frequently faced with the challenge of dealing with resistance when setting boundaries around substance use intervention. 

When I created the my online family education curriculum called RehabWorks, I came up with a tool for helping families set firm boundaries and avoid the roadblocks put up by the resistant loved one. 

I called it "The Resistance Formula." 

It has proven to be quite effective for helping families achieve results they don't think possible when addressing a substance use issue with a resistant loved one. 

The Resistance Formula

Here's the formula I came up with for dealing with resistance:

D = (SP X PWR)

Let's break it down:

✅ DR = DEGREE OF RESISTANCE

Is equal to:

✅ SP = SEVERITY OF THE PROBLEM

Multiplied by:

PWR = PERCEIVED WIGGLE ROOM

Upon hearing this, it's not uncommon for families to hone in on that "Perceived Wiggle Room" part and think to themselves, 

"Ugh, I guess we've had some wiggle room."

Defense Mechanisms

The good news is it's not that difficult to remove resistance when families recognize this is most often what we call defense mechanisms—behaviors used to keep others away from knowing what's really on inside an individual. 

And defense mechanisms can be removed by simply informing the individual that their [silence, avoidance, anger, joking, projection, blaming others, etc.] isn’t going to work.

In many cases, defense mechanisms go "poof" and lose their effectiveness by maintaining this position. 

Slamming The Back Door Shut

I often tell families that when there is even a sliver of wiggle room peeking through that back door, their loved one is a like a heat seeking missile that goes directly to that crack in the boundary. They literally don't face reality of their present circumstance. 

Let me give you an example. 

I was doing a session with a young adult client and his parents in my office. The parents were informing him he had a choice: 

Accept their offer of supporting him in addressing his substance use issue, or move out and support himself. 

The client chose option B:

Fine, I'll move out. I'm done with you.
He got up to leave, saying to his parents, Let's go.

I clarified with the parents that their position was if he chose not to go to treatment, they would no longer support him. They confirmed that was indeed their position. To which I replied:

Where does letting him get in your car and giving him a ride home fit with no longer supporting him?

They agreed, and indicated to their son he was on his own.

Stunned, the boy complained:

You're not even going to give me a ride home?!

The parents held firm. And the boy grumbled:

OK, I'll go to treatment.

No Wiggle Room!

This provides a wonderful example of what I mean when I say they don't see the reality of their circumstance. I submit that what was going on in that young man's mind was the following:

✔️ The ride home would take twenty minutes. 

✔️ During that time he would figure out whose couches he can sleep on over the next few weeks. 

✔️ He had heard that a fast food place at the mall was hiring; he could get a job there, and in a month he would have enough money to get his own apartment. 

✔️ And he would then be able to be living the life of his dreams. 

All that was in the back of his mind when he chose option B. 

But when the parents removed that wiggle room, all those grand plans went up in smoke, so to speak...

Tools For Setting Boundaries

In RehabWorks I teach families how to use the Resistance Formula to eliminate wiggle room with the boundaries they set. The video below provides an example of a worksheet used for practicing this approach to dealing with resistance. 

CLICK PLAY TO WATCH 60-SECOND PREVIEW OF THE RESISTANCE FORMULA IN ACTION 

My RehabWorks program is available both as a turnkey family support curriculum for treatment facilities, and as an online resource individual families can use directly through my coaching program.

Want to see more?

👉 I put together a full preview page with a bunch of these short video clips. CLICK HERE to check it out

If you’re a treatment provider and want to explore how this could support your clients and families, let’s grab a virtual coffee and talk.

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